


Protector of the Heart

by acrazyworldofdreams



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Angst, Inspired by Twitter, Lee Jeno Bodyguard, Letters, M/M, Na Jaemin Chaebol, Unhappy Ending, nomin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 18:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18696916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrazyworldofdreams/pseuds/acrazyworldofdreams
Summary: Jeno watches the love of his life take the hand of someone else, as they announce his engagement to some stranger. A stranger, whose parents own the largest telephone company in Korea. Jeno’s love isn’t poor by any means either, after all this is a uniting of companies, not people.He can do nothing but watch, because he is only Jaemin’s protector, the one who protects him from unknown danger and insures his companies future. He can’t protect Jaemin's heart nor his own.





	Protector of the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Someone asked for this on Twitter & I couldn't resist......Chaebol Jaemin & Bodyguard Jeno...argh!!!

Jeno watches the love of his life take the hand of someone else, as they announce his engagement to some stranger. A stranger, whose parents own the largest telephone company in Korea. Jeno’s love isn’t poor by any means either, after all this is a uniting of companies, not people. He watches from the side, glancing at the tight smile which graces Jaemin’s lips, the one he knows screams get me out of here. But Jeno can do nothing but watch, because he is only Jaemin’s protector, the one who protects him from unknown danger and insures his companies future.  

He can’t protect Jaemin's heart nor his own.

Lee Jeno is the personal bodyguard to the chaebol Na Jaemin. A love between them was never meant to be and never can be. Jeno does not smile today, nor will he smile tomorrow but maybe one day, he’ll find his smile again. He thinks of the two letters burning their way through his black suit’s inside pocket. A simple black tie, coat and pants set up, the mark of a high-class bodyguard.

One letter is written to Na Hyunsuk, Jaemin’s father, informing him of Jeno’s resignation, and the other, one he struggled to write so badly, is addressed to the boy next to him. The boy he can’t say goodbye to but must. A letter attempting to explain why he cannot watch Jaemin get married to someone else, after years of their unusual partnership. They’ve been side by side for over 3 years now. Ever since Jaemin turned 20 and left school. His father deciding he needed protecting, but also wanting someone who Jaemin could talk. Enter Lee Jeno, the best in his class, who’d only ever wanted to be a bodyguard since the age of 11. They were the same age, but they had such different life stories behind and ahead of them. How could Jeno ever have been silly enough to think they could have been anything but this. All roads led to this. The clock was just counting down without Jeno knowing.

How could it have been anything more than intense stares across the kitchen table, hands brushing past in quiet moments, jokes over strong coffee orders and naps against shoulders in cars on their way home.

It doesn’t really matter whether the love of Jeno’s life is in love with him back. All that matters is that he loves every cell which makes up Na Jaemin’s body, and that he is unable to continue this self-created torture of watching the person he holds most dear be lost to a world of engagement parties, cake trying, rings sizing and worst of all vow exchanging. Na Jaemin getting married is the end of all Jeno’s hopes and dreams, he wishes he was stronger than he is but he is not.

He runs his plan once more. Get the announcement of the way, take Jaemin to his afternoon meeting (some investors are in town and Mr Na wants Jaemin to handle them), and then drop him off for dinner with his family. Jeno will hand his letter to Hyunsuk and make his escape. He should have to serve two weeks’ notice but Jeno already has already seen to that and has someone in mind to replace him.

He plans to be gone this night.

Jaemin’s letter on the other hand, he doesn’t know what he’ll do with it, but it’s there, it’s written. He’s not sure if it needs to be read. Afterall, Jaemin has never said anything to make him think otherwise.

The meeting goes well, and they head to Jaemin’s next appointment. Today they’re travelling in the SUV, because Jaemin wanted to be under the radar. The news portals are already going crazy, according to Yeri, Jaemin’s personal PA, but it’s all good news for the Na family. Jeno only catches Jaemin’s eye once in the rear-view mirror. Jeno’s always sat by up front by the driver when he’s not been the one driving himself. It catches him off guard, as Jaemin’s scream unhappiness for a moment, but then it’s gone as Yeri continues on about the upcoming plans for Jaemin’s engagements and Jeno dismisses it. He stays in the guard room, conversing with Jooheon, whilst the Na family dine. Normally he would’ve been relieved of duty by now, but he needs to stay until he can approach Mr Na alone, which will only happen later. Jaemin doesn’t know he’s still in the compound. It’s best this way.

Finally the moment arrives, and Jeno knocks confidently at the door three times. Mr Na has never taken kindly to the meek, and Jeno is far from that in life. _“Enter”_ Mr Na calls in his usual disinterested manner. He has never cared for personal, trivial matters such as this, but Jeno also knows he will want to know directly of Jeno’s departure. After all he handpicked Jeno.

 _“Good Evening Mr Na. I’ll get straight to the matter. Please accept my resignation letter, effective as of today. I have located a suitable replacement and can assure you they are fully capable to take care of Jaemin. I want to thank you for the years of employment and will always think of the Na family as generous of spirit.”_ It’s a little overboard and probably more words than Jeno has said to the man in the entire three years he’s worked with Jaemin but it’s necessary if he wants to get away without a fight.

Mr Na looks up at his words. Only a hint of surprise of his face, before it’s brushed away. Like Son, like Father, it seems. _“Ahh yes. I did wonder what choice you would make. Very well. Please know I am grateful for your years of service and will offer you a full recommendation for your next employment Lee Jeno.”_

Confusion is what Jeno feels. What choice he would make? Had he failed to keep his feelings hidden from those around him. Was he a failure in all regards. Regret and pity storm his mind, but he does not let it show. Whether Na Hyunsuk knows of his love or not, does not matter. Jeno will leave with his head held high. With his love intact. Jaemin’s legacy protected.

He will not be shattered by distant dreams and unsaid words.

The other letter stays where it belongs, in his left breast pocket. Secured away from those who it could hurt. It burns Jeno from the inside out, but it doesn’t feel any different from all the days before. His former employee releases him from his contract, provides the promised recommendations and sees him away.

Jeno doesn’t look back.

*

Looking around his abandoned apartment, Jeno sees the remnants of half lived life. He’s spent so much time with Jaemin, at his compound, or overseas, that Jeno feels he could count on two hands how many times he’s actually slept at his place. It’s a nice place really, paid for by the very generous contract the Na’s have given him over the years, but it feels empty, devoid of life and laughter.

That all belongs to Jaemin now.

Jeno tries not to think of the slightly younger man, but when every moment of your life was them, how can you not. Whilst unpacking Jeno has found three items of clothing which clearly aren’t his. Their musky lavender and a hint of rose smell could only belong to the one who makes his heart sing. It’s a torture he wanted to bare for the time being, because Jeno knew in a matter of weeks, he would be desperate to get the smell back as it ebbed away like the memories of their life together.

Jaemin would move forward and create new memories with his new bodyguard, Lee Donghyuck. An old friend of Jeno’s from the academy. Mostly chosen for his impressive skill with a fun, but partly because Jeno knew the boy was deeply in love his other half, Mark Lee.

A selfish whim, but Jeno couldn’t bare the thought of someone else getting close. Someone else running their hands through Jaemin’s hair whilst he was sleeping to soothe him from his nightmares, or someone else listening to Jaemin’s deepest worries about not being good enough to inherit, about letting his family down.

Knowing Jaemin’s ultimate fear in life, to disappoint his father.

Maybe that’s why Jeno had never told Jaemin how he really felt, because deep down Jeno knew Jaemin felt something too, but he’d never wanted to put Jaemin in that position. Because that is what it would’ve come down to. Jeno or his family. He wouldn’t do that to Jaemin. Jeno loved him more than that.

Jeno’s through maybe his third bottle of Soju, when the knocks come loud and clear. At first, Jeno thinks he’s lost his mind a bit, and he’s replaying the scene from earlier with Mr Na. The knocks representing the sound of Lee Jeno’s, bodyguard to Na Jaemin’s, heart breaking in to pieces.

But alas, it’s not. The knocks are real, and they do not stop.

Yanking open the door, Jeno half staggers at the propulsion created by the swinging door and then he’s blinded by the raging Na Jaemin who stands before him. Steam coming out of his ears, face as hot as fury and eyes blazing with fire. Jeno cowers slightly. An angry Na is a scary sight to behold. Ask any of their employees.

_“YAH LEE JENO. You have exactly 10 seconds to explain yourself, otherwise I will be raining down more pain on your ass than you can handle.”_

Jaemin is furious and has every right to be so, but Jeno has no words for him. They were all washed away in the letter he wrote and refused to send. He could try to ask him to leave, but the Na’s are stubborn, hence their rocket growth in the last decade. Maybe he could lie. No that wouldn’t work either, Jaemin can smell bullshit coming from a mile off.

Jeno beckons the fuming boy into his unloved home, walking back to his self-made cocoon of blankets, Jaemin’s hoodies and his Soju stash. The younger follows and watches as Jeno sits down, Jeno is unable to maintain eye contact.

 _“So….”_ Jaemin in impatient, always had been. It’s one of the things Jeno loves about him. His impatience for life. Always ready to explore what’s next, to try new things and become who he’s supposed to be. The very reason Jeno has walked away, but Jaemin isn’t making it easy.

 _“Please Jaemin, can you just let m…it go.”_ Jeno begs quietly. His voice coming out pained, he hopes Jaemin doesn’t notice. A rustling sound is heard, as Jaemin removes his outer layers, and settles down next to Jeno, as close as they have been in the past. Jeno heart flutters.

 _“How could you leave me all alone like this Jeno. Father said you didn’t give a reason, but I know there must be one. Why would you go without telling me? Don’t I deserve more than that after everything we’ve been through.”_ His voice is unlike anything Jeno’s heard before. It’s gentle, but also layered in pain. Jeno lifts his eyes, but it’s a mistake because all he wants to do now is cry.

Cry for hurting the love of his life in a way he didn’t know he could.

 _“Jaemin I can’t…I just can’t be your bodyguard anymore…it hu_ …” he can’t finish his sentence. Can’t admit the truth.

 _“Is it because you’re in love with me?”_ Jaemin asks as if they’re not words which could destroy Jeno and do. Silence. Jaemin doesn’t say anything more, leaving Jeno to soundlessly gape like a fish. Unsure as what to do, say nect. His mind is foggy from the drinks, and he’s dumbstruck from the revelation that Jaemin has known all long.

Was Jeno so bad at hiding his emotions?

 _“My jacket pocket. Letter, for you,”_ he gets out finally. Jaemin nods once, and reaches over to the jacket Jeno so carelessly flung earlier during his dramatic faceplant into the sofa. Jaemin reaches directly into the inside pocket, knowing Jeno as well Jeno knows Jaemin.

Jaemin gently teases open the envelope and pulls out the plain white sheet. The one on which Jeno painstakingly wrote all his feelings upon. Jeno feels raw, and all kinds of wrong. Jaemin should not know of his feelings. They should be banished to a dark cave, never to see the light of day again, but here they are blossoming into life before his very eyes.

As Jaemin’s eyes whip across the page, and the letter is pushed upwards in his hands between soft delicate fingers, which have seen no fighting thanks to Jeno.

Jeno sees many emotions flit across Jaemin’s face, from happiness, to sadness, to anger, to intrigue, to pain, and finally landing on sorrow. It is not a letter of happiness by any means. Rather it is one of deep pain. One of Jeno’s earlier drafts had been much happier, but he hadn’t wanted to lie to the love of his life.

Loving Jaemin has been painful, and terribly hard.

 _“oh Jeno”_ Jaemin laments softly, but he doesn’t do anything. Silence fills up the empty room once again. Jeno never haven gotten round to decorating it anymore than the basic Ikea haul. A sofa, a table, a bookcase and corner lamp. The photos in the frames are mostly of Jaemin and Jeno, are all a gift from Jisung, a childhood friend, who never liked how much Jeno had to give up of Jeno for Jaemin.

_“I wish I could give you everything Jeno. I need you to know that I would give you the world if I could. That when I wake up each morning, it is you I think of. That seeing you each day is what gets me through each and every one of them. How your smile lights up my whole world._

_I know I’ve never told you this, but it was because I thought you didn’t want to hear it. I love you Lee Jeno. I love you with all the words, thoughts and emotions I have. I wish I could give them all to you._

_I’m so sorry. I think I knew that’s why you left without saying goodbye, but I didn’t let it go. Father told me to let you go, but I couldn’t. I’m too selfish. If only you didn’t love me, like I love you, then I could have had you by my side forever. Protecting me, whilst I loved you from afar. Your pain is not only your own. I have lived in pain since the day I realised I would not love the woman my family chose for me. I have lived in pain since the day we met and I realised I had met the love of my life, but he would never be mine. I have, do and will love you forever Jeno. Thank you for being by my side.”_

Jeno refuses to let the tears out. To not make this anymore painful for Jaemin. His heart is already dust anyway, what does a little more grinding mean anyway. Let Jaemin think Jeno can survive without him. That he’ll somehow move on.

Jeno won’t but Jaemin doesn’t deserve to suffer with that knowledge.

_“Thank you Jaemin. I want to say it out loud just once with your ears hearing my words, and then I want you to go back to your life. I love you too. All I want is for you to be happy as you can be. Be happy for me Jaemin-ah. I love you. Goodbye”_

Tears do flow out from Jaemin’s usually dry and cold eyes. The ones Jeno is used to seeing in meetings, at family events, even at his engagement but now all they scream is sorrow. Utter devastation. They are not destined to be together, but they have loved one another and that will never be taken from them.

 _“Goodbye Jeno”_ and Jaemin leaves as swiftly as he arrived, taking Jeno’s heart with him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm crying...why am I always making myself cry. Hope you liked it.
> 
> On twitter as: @na_emily


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